When using together feels unsafe: recognising pressure, coercion, and control
- Jun 8
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 18
For some people living with HIV who also use alcohol and other drugs, substance use does not always happen in a safe or equal space. Sometimes AOD use is tied to relationships or situations where pressure, control, or fear are also present. This can be hard to name, especially when you care about the person involved, when substances are making things feel blurry, or when other pressures like visa status, community belonging, or fear of judgement make it harder to speak up or leave.
This resource is not here to tell you what to do. It is here to help you recognise what you might be experiencing, and to remind you that support exists.
Some signs that something may not feel right
You may be experiencing pressure, coercion, or controlling behaviour if:
A partner or someone in your social group pressures you to use substances when you do not want to
You feel like you have to use AOD to be accepted, to keep a relationship, or to fit in
You feel unable to say no to sex or substance use without fear of consequences such as rejection, anger, or threats
Your HIV status has been used as leverage against you, or shared without your consent
You feel shame, confusion, or distress after sexual encounters involving AOD use
Someone controls when, what, or how much you use
You are made to feel that your visa, housing, or safety depends on staying in the relationship or going along with what is asked
You feel isolated from friends, community, or support networks
You feel responsible for what is happening, or like it is your fault
These experiences can look different for everyone. They do not always involve physical violence. Coercive control, emotional pressure, and sexual coercion are all real and valid forms of harm.
You do not have to feel guilty or ashamed
If any of this sounds familiar, please know that what is happening is not your fault. The overlap of HIV, AOD use, and relationship pressure can create situations that are genuinely hard to navigate, and many people in our community have experienced something similar. Feeling confused, scared, or unsure does not mean you are weak. It means you are human.
Help is available
If you feel you may be experiencing domestic or family violence, sexual coercion, or any form of controlling behaviour, there are organisations ready to support you without judgement. If visa pressure or the fear of losing community belonging is part of what is keeping you stuck, that matters too and there are people who understand that complexity.
Diverse Voices offers confidential support for LGBTQ+ people and can help you work through relationship concerns, coercion, and safety planning in a way that understands your life.
You can also self-refer to Queensland Positive People (QPP) at any time. We are here to support you around your HIV and to help connect you with the right services for AOD, relationship concerns, or whatever else you are navigating. You do not have to have it all figured out before you reach out. We will meet you where you are.
